Inventory is where we find out who and what we are
We must know what is on the shelves
We make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
“We learn to live consciously through becoming aware of inner and outer events as they are happening. Building a conscious self means becoming increasingly aware of inner events, bodily events and interpersonal events. A conscious self is able to experience in full awareness all the distinctly different components of the self, including feelings, needs, drives and values. A conscious self lives consciously.”
Gershen Kaufman/Lev Raphael
The Dynamics of Power
Any competent accountant must know what the company has on the shelves. A company would go broke if it didn't take a regular inventory. We must begin honestly and fearlessly.
We seek to find the flaws in ourselves, which cause us distress and our failures. We see where ego has caused us defeat.
Taking this reflectively seems to be self defeatist, in and of itself. We are trying to rid ourselves of the demons who harass us on the golf course and other areas of our lives. Are we not trying to end the negativity which haunts us?
It is through this particular exercise that we can confront those demons face to face. We can begin to know who those demons are and how they have manifested themselves.
Resentment is the prime weapon used by the ego. More games have been destroyed by resentment than anyone can imagine. Resentment is the root of all spiritual disease. There are none among us who are exempt from this malady, no matter how good we are.
God gave us the necessary gifts to build relationships. To be secure in ourselves, both emotionally and materially are a part of our human make-up. What happens when they go awry? They begin to tyrannize us. They begin to rule our lives and our golf game.
We use the 4th Step to discover the exact nature of these instincts run amok. To begin to see how and why and where we have misused them. We want to face them head on and how they have caused missed shots, strained relationships and unhappiness in ourselves and others.
Whenever we impose our unreasonable demands on others and ourselves, we create unhappiness.
We like to claim that all our discomfort is caused by the actions and attitudes of others. Those others who “really need to take an inventory” are the target of our misguided pride. We cannot afford to be self-righteous, that is what has caused our problems in the first place. Our resentments, self-pity and uncompromising pride, are slowly dealt with.
We who have dealt with these inventories have used this simple process. We make a “grudge” list, of those things that have threatened our self-esteem, our pocketbooks, our ambitions or our relationships. We list opposite each name or injury, the cause of our grudge. We then needed to look at how it affected us.
This is the simple layout:
- I am resentful because of: X (person, place, or thing)
- Because of: Y (coughed when I putted)
- This has affected me: Z (the rest of the game)
We begin to see how we have given away our power to people, places and things. We have allowed our game to be dominated and controlled by circumstances, and they have affected our enjoyment on the golf course. It is suggested to write out this inventory. Putting it in black and white helps the brain to see it honestly.
What I have discovered, during the course of my inventories, is that "FEAR" has been the predominate underlying factor with all my discomfort. Fear makes demands on me and wants me to perform to a certain standard of perfection.
We begin to discover humility. Don’t let that word scare you. Humility is only becoming honest with ourselves. There is a level of gratitude we reach when we discover the true meaning of humility. We are not talking about humiliation, as experienced when living in non-humility. They say wisdom begins when we learn how little we know.
Remember there are assets to be inventoried also, without self-righteousness, we may put these down on our list also.
“A breed apart from the diarists who write simply to collect the days or preserve impressions of foreign places are those who set out in their books to discover who they really are. These are generally very serious people, more in the way of pilgrims, with inward destinations, than mere travelers………they want to use their diaries to test, and add to, their strength.”
A book of One‘s Own, People and Their Diaries
We Confessed Our Wrongs