THE GOLF SONG
The only sure rule in golf is - he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. ~ Mickey Mantle
The golfer was a determined, if not very proficient player. At each swipe he made at the ball, earth flew in all directions.
"What the darn?," he exclaimed red-faced to his caddie, "the worms will think there's an earthquake."
"I don't know," replied the caddie, "the worms round here are very clever. I'll bet most of them are hiding underneath the ball for safety."
NEW "CART GOLF"
Four old men went into the pro shop after playing 18 holes of golf. The pro asked, 'Did you guys have a good game today?'
The first old guy said, 'Yes, I had three riders today.'
The second old guy said, 'I had the most riders ever. I had five.'
The third old guy said, 'I had 7 riders, the same as last time.'
The last old man said, 'I beat my old record. I had 12 riders today.'
After they went into the locker room, another golfer who had heard the old guys talking about their game went to the pro and said, 'I have been playing golf for a long time and thought I knew all the terminology of the game, but what's a rider?'
The pro said, 'A rider is when you hit the ball far enough to get in the golf cart and ride to it.
Fred got home from his Sunday round of golf later than normal and very tired. "Bad day at the course?" his wife asked.
"Everything was going fine," he said. "Then Harry had a heart attack and died on the 10th tee."
"Oh, that's awful!"
"You're not kidding. For the whole back nine it was hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry."
DUMB GUY JOKE
A guy goes into the pro shop and looks around frowning.
Finally the pro asked him what he wants. "I can't find any green golf balls," the golfer complains.
The pro looks all over the shop, and through all the catalogs, and finally calls the manufacturers and determines that sure enough, there are no green golf balls.
As the golfer walks out the door in disgust, the pro asks him, "Before you go, could you tell me why you want green golf balls?"
"Well obviously, because they would be so much easier to find in the sand traps!"
The Pope met with the College of Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel. "Your holiness," said one of the Cardinals, "Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior, by challenging you to a golf match." The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held a golf club in his life.
"Not to worry," said the Cardinal, "we'll call America and talk to Jack Nicklaus. We'll make him a Cardinal, he can play Shimon Peres... We can't lose!" Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made and, of course, Jack was honored and agreed to play.
The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of his success in the match. "I came in second, your Holiness," said Nicklaus.
"Second?!!" exclaimed the surprised Pope. "You came in second to Shimon Peres?!!"
"No," said Nicklaus, "second to Rabbi Woods."
Funny Phone Call to a public golf course Pro-Shop
More humor from around the golf course
How to Hit the Second Shot First: Blue and Bawdy Jokes That Unlock the Puzzle of the Green
500 All Time Funniest Golf Jokes, Stories & Fairway Wisdom
A Round of Golf Jokes (Joke Book)
Golf In the Comic Strips: A Historic Collection of Classic Cartoons